International Man Laws

EB_5.0_WAGON · 23-11-2006, 09:20 PM

MAN LAW

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly

optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar
of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you
have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of

flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a
topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue
closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't
see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
lifting weights:

(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or
Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: Pull out

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do
you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the

definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ***
and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd

MITCHAY · 23-11-2006, 09:29 PM

LMFAO! That's good!

Daniel351 · 23-11-2006, 11:10 PM

That is Gold!

:

krt10 · 24-11-2006, 01:13 AM

classic

GCFordChic · 24-11-2006, 01:24 AM

Excellent, but this rule is crap...

"25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours. "

:P

schmidty · 24-11-2006, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GCFordChic

Excellent, but this rule is crap...

"25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours. "

:P

The perks of being a man!!

GCFordChic · 24-11-2006, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by schmidty

The perks of being a man!!

No, i meant that it doesnt apply.

:evil_laug

TICTRAK · 24-11-2006, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GCFordChic

Excellent, but this rule is crap...

"25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours. "

:P

AU II XR8 Sedan
(Give it time, it will be pink...)
You may be right GC that could be dangerous, big muscules hairy body's grease stained sliding out of a pink falcon.

photn · 24-11-2006, 09:38 AM

OMG that shit is GOLD. Straight to the printer and off to my mates and GF thats going 4 sure........ my gav 1....

Quote:

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.

- i always get that shit.....
i always wanted an xbox as wel heheh

xr8man83 · 24-11-2006, 10:58 AM

top stuff mate

GCFordChic · 24-11-2006, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TICTRAK

AU II XR8 Sedan
(Give it time, it will be pink...)
You may be right GC that could be dangerous, big muscules hairy body's grease stained sliding out of a pink falcon.

Pursuit 250- Brett's (But mine if i want to claim it sometimes :Up_to_som )

XR8 Sedan - Mine (I drive it most days, he said it was mainly for me, so i claimed it full-time! Lol) So i can paint it pink when i want to, but he wont fund it, so i have to save up...:( There will be a V8 Princess (or similar) sticker on there soon though... :evil_laug

We can make an adjustment to rule 2:

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

(f) When she gets one of the cars painted pink

T3ts50 · 24-11-2006, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EB_5.0_WAGON

MAN LAW

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

I think this one should be changed to no conversations at all, even when urinating side by side

Feathers · 24-11-2006, 06:09 PM

Quote:

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.

Not likely. No one else drives my car.

Quote:

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange or sky blue.

Think there might be a few XR & FPV owners who would disagree there...

**Peuty** · 24-11-2006, 10:34 PM

Hahaha that list is brilliant!