Basic rules for driving in Canberra

[rag top]

Got sent this one the other day. It is a bit old, but I found it amusing - maybe I'm sick....

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CANBERRA

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Canberra.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Urban services, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

12. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

15. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

16. Real Canberra women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Real Canberra men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

19. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have brakes.

21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around The Causeway, Lower Kambah, Lower Wanniassa, Scullin, Areas of Ainslie, and Oaks Estate.

22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

23. It's O.K when driving in Belconnen's suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "#%*#". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.

24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.

25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you, ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't changes lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule 24, after all they deserve it.

26. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

27. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Canberra's very own.

28. Canberra Cabs, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC 400.

29. Pedestrian crossings - What are they?

30. If you are a cyclist, remember YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, you are stronger than ANY vehicle travelling at speed, MAKE SURE you take the whole lane for yourself, and at night NEVER use lights, remember They Will See You

[pennybrain]

That one must be doing the rounds as I got it the other day as well.

I found it funny too cause some parts were true!!!!

[XR6_661]

haha awesome!!

Bit like cairns drivers

[MITCHAY]

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

Aint it awesome :sm_headba except on the Parkway when you have someone doing 60 in the left lane and someone who happens to hit 100 when they are overtaking them and don't go any faster.

[GXL078]

My mum used to do number 14, just in case she told me. Shes never had an accident that was her fault.

[AWD Chaser]

Yeah, seen all this on another forum

Originally Posted by rag top

24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.

Haha - seen this one coming up the merge lane near the zoo - stoped and gave way to traffic instead of merging at 100kph.... I think it is actually now the law that you have to merge at the same speed as traffic...

[ondori]

you use to fight for your life to turn left just after the zoo in peak hour traffic.

One of the only place I know, apart for a race track, where you can see the best driving line around every corner, bend or intersection by the rubber on the road..

What about the rules to do with diplomatic Licence plates?

[LTDHO]

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

This is actually very good advice.

[MITCHAY]

Originally Posted by LTDHO

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

This is actually very good advice.

That is just common sense though, applicable anywhere.

[AWD Chaser]

Originally Posted by ondori

you use to fight for your life to turn left just after the zoo in peak hour traffic.

One of the only place I know, apart for a race track, where you can see the best driving line around every corner, bend or intersection by the rubber on the road..

What about the rules to do with diplomatic Licence plates?

They are putting up traffic lights there now cause of the interchange resealing/new road works....

Diplomats have to abide by every road rule, but they don't have to pay for any fines, or even to get their licence in the first place. There was an article that they got $200,000 worth of fines still unpaid.... and this was only like 6 months ago...

[russellw]

... and all I thought you needed to do in Canberra was keep driving in ever decreasing circles until you disappeared up your own fundamental orifice.

Russ

[4.9 EF Futura]

I didnt know Canberra had a reputation for crazy drivers? Is it pretty bad?

At least you save petrol driving to Canberra... All you have to do is release the handbrake and *roll* down the hill into the hole.

[pecker73]

Don't Bag Canberra...

The decision makers who gather there will crack the shits and cook up a few more taxes or legislation to srew the average Aussie even more...

Lube Up Australia ! : : :

[sleepa]

Think we need to update this:
31: 4 Cylinder drivers, it is your god given right to remain in the right hand lane and do 20% below the posted speed limit. You are not speeding and are therefore absolved of all other driving responsibilities.

Is it just me or is left the new right in Canberra? The other day I was at the lights on a 2 lane road.
Right lane: Hyundai, Mazda 121, Hyundai.
Left Lane: Clubsport, XR6T, XR8 (me)

And it's not at all uncommon!

[MITCHAY]

I'm more increasingly finding myself having to overtake in the left lane. I mix it up a bit though because fools don't keep left.

Not only Canberra. This morning for example on the Hume Hwy around Bankstown, there was a queue of about 10 cars each middle and right lanes and left lane has a truck of some description on it. I went behind the truck and when the lights went green was infront of everyone. Most of the time the truck/bus accellerates faster than the rest of the cars, coz the drivers are reading a newspaper or putting on make up.

[Gimmers55]

Originally Posted by 4.9 EF Futura

I didnt know Canberra had a reputation for crazy drivers? Is it pretty bad?

Every morning I drive into the ACT from Jerrabomberra (NSW) and have to merge onto the Monaro Hwy from the right side . . . .! It's an 80 zone but most drivers are doing 100+. If you get stuck behind someone who is a little unassertive you get stopped stop and have to wait otherwise you floor it and merge before you run out of tarmac.

I rarely see police patrolling and occassionally pass a speed van. Canberra drivers get away with it because there is little reason to be cautious.

Drove to Melbourne a few weeks back (my home town) and was amused to see ACT and NSW plated cars doing 120+ past the fixed speed cameras South of Seymour. The only ones not getting pinged were the VIC drivers.

[Smoked]

LOL, those are awesome. So true from what I've seen of ACT drivers.

[irsa76]

Here's another one:

Park in any available spot, including loading zones, permit zones, disabled zones or across driveways. If I had a dollar for every time I see this I could pay cash for a Force 8 in 6 months! Heck, I nearly drilled a cab for stopping right in the middle of a driveway BESIDE a vacant parking spot today.

[Sapper]

Move to Sydney and these rules develop a whole new meaning!

[Tote]

The quality of drivers in Canberra is inversely proportional to the quality of the roads.
And don't forget that as you do 130 Km/h on the divided road past Hall that once you hit the NSW border you must immediately slow to 80 as the oncoming traffic might be too frightening for you to go any faster, just as long as you beat all the other traffic so you can be in front of them when you hit the brakes.

Regards,
Tote

[MITCHAY]

Originally Posted by Gimmers55

Every morning I drive into the ACT from Jerrabomberra (NSW) and have to merge onto the Monaro Hwy from the right side . . . .! It's an 80 zone but most drivers are doing 100+. If you get stuck behind someone who is a little unassertive you get stopped stop and have to wait otherwise you floor it and merge before you run out of tarmac.

Are you talking about the merge from Lanyon Dr near the lights? That is an absolute ***** to merge especially peakhour.

I really only deal with it when I come back from the coast, and grateful when the other traffic has the red light lol. Why the hell is it 80km/h anyways? It's a two lane divided highway!

[Mechan1k]

The many times I have been to Canberra ... it's dead quiet ... even in the so-called peak times. There are a few crazies ... but nothing too bad.

Melbournians are the craziest drivers ... much worse than Sydney drivers.

I'd have to say Canberra drivers are more like Sunday drivers.

Oh ... you'd wear your left tyres out more than the right ones as well ... LOL

[MITCHAY]

Originally Posted by Mechan1k

Oh ... you'd wear your left tyres out more than the right ones as well ... LOL

Better than spending half our life at the traffic lights :P

[Mechan1k]

True that ... I'd rather wear out my left tyres having fun

[MITCHAY]

Originally Posted by Mechan1k

True that ... I'd rather wear out my left tyres having fun

Yeah I learnt yesterday that AWD doesn't necessarily mean AWD!

[Mechan1k]

Sometimes AWD can still mean plough understeer in excessive applications. And can also mean lift-off oversteer in similar excessive applications.

[MITCHAY]

Originally Posted by Mechan1k

Sometimes AWD can still mean plough understeer in excessive applications. And can also mean lift-off oversteer in similar excessive applications.

Yeah 2nd gear full boost, screechie, and step out. :

[Mechan1k]

hee hee .. especially with your "grippy" (NOT) Falkens