Depression, Anxiety - Page 20

**fordomatic** · 18-10-2016, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trejo

I tried to give my son. . Now 20.. a chance to stand up for himself.. to not be bullied.. fight your own battles.. to accept that what others may say and do.. is not your only option... turns out he didn't like standing up for himself as his angry damaged loud dad only scared him.. and his quiet pacifist expoliceman stepfather and the 'just dob them in' attitude suited his temperament. And because im built old school i have to leave them to it. So what is right and what is wrong how do we know what is the correct input for a child to cope with.?

Mate as someone who was bullied up until year 8 the way you went about it is not the good way. The best thing that hapenned to me was when Mum stopped taking Dads advice of me standing up for myself and marched me up to the school and made me see the principle. I had the moral courage to dob the 3 offenders in and I was never bullied again. It's easily the best thing my Mum EVER did for me in my life. After that my grades went up and I had a strong friendship group all the way through high school.

Oh and for the record, i did take Dads advice and stood up for myself, I copped some of the biggest beatdowns ever, kids don't fight singularly, if ones copping a flogging their mates jump in and help, it never ended well for me.

It's funny I am a totally different person now than I was then. I find myself diffusing any situation that comes up with violence simply because it's just not worth it. I don't want to go home thinking about something I did for the next two weeks, I want to go home and forget about the situation. Diffusing violent situations always means i go home happy. Beside work I have only been in two fights since i left high school, and both of those were from a man beating a women, which i don't stand for.

Tui2 · 22-10-2016, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fordomatic

Mate as someone who was bullied up until year 8 the way you went about it is not the good way. The best thing that hapenned to me was when Mum stopped taking Dads advice of me standing up for myself and marched me up to the school and made me see the principle. I had the moral courage to dob the 3 offenders in and I was never bullied again. It's easily the best thing my Mum EVER did for me in my life. After that my grades went up and I had a strong friendship group all the way through high school.

Oh and for the record, i did take Dads advice and stood up for myself, I copped some of the biggest beatdowns ever, kids don't fight singularly, if ones copping a flogging their mates jump in and help, it never ended well for me.

It's funny I am a totally different person now than I was then. I find myself diffusing any situation that comes up with violence simply because it's just not worth it. I don't want to go home thinking about something I did for the next two weeks, I want to go home and forget about the situation. Diffusing violent situations always means i go home happy. Beside work I have only been in two fights since i left high school, and both of those were from a man beating a women, which i don't stand for.

Luckily for me my disorder's emotional irregularities at times allowed me to shrug off intense physical pain (but over dramatise poisonous verbal lashings) and with that... are now numb to getting beat up or hurt (that's the result of .being bullied and bashed upto 19-20yo too) .I am apathetic when it comes to others in that situation. What I'm saying is there's you and there's me... totalk opposite results in same schooling issues and same Mothering skills as far as going to school and making me dob . All through primary and early high school this was her way. My old man was a pussy alcoholic and got beat up at club often so he was no good for teaching any life lessons. Yet when I snapped and stood up for myself I couldn't believe the damage that I caused. But who gives a flying rats arm.. they asked for it they got it. And will continue to if I ever leave the house. Can't avoid if I don't stay home.
So there you have it ..doesn't matter why what when when ya broken ya broken

BLUEYBA · 19-10-2016, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trejo

I tried to give my son. . Now 20.. a chance to stand up for himself.. to not be bullied.. fight your own battles.. to accept that what others may say and do.. is not your only option... turns out he didn't like standing up for himself as his angry damaged loud dad only scared him.. and his quiet pacifist expoliceman stepfather and the 'just dob them in' attitude suited his temperament. And because im built old school i have to leave them to it. So what is right and what is wrong how do we know what is the correct input for a child to cope with.?

I think you have to go with how your son wants to deal with it. Reporting bullies to authorities is actually standing up for yourself. Doing something about it is standing up to it, its his way of doing it and many others as well.
Probably doesn't want things to get physical as well, which I'm the same, so its better to go to the authorities as sometime it can cause yourself more issues

TheSneakiness · 24-10-2016, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Thinking I need a change up. #cuttherest

About to embark on phase one of this sentence.

Spudz27 · 21-10-2016, 03:00 PM

Saw my therapist today. He wants me to up my meds to 20mg in the hooe I get back some motivation to do things etc.

BLUEYBA · 21-10-2016, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudz27

Saw my therapist today. He wants me to up my meds to 20mg in the hooe I get back some motivation to do things etc.

20mg seems to be low when I compare it to what I take although they are different medications

Spudz27 · 21-10-2016, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

20mg seems to be low when I compare it to what I take although they are different medications

20mg I think is max dose or maybe 40 is not sure. I said to him I won't start 20 till after my wedding as a. I would like to drink (I don't normally on a daily basis) b. Given 10 has dropped my desire for sex, I hate to see what 20 does. He was fine with that. See him again in 6-8wks for a follow up on meds and then move to phsycologist.

bingoTE50 · 07-11-2016, 02:39 PM

Been on Effexor 17.5mg for ages . Takes the edge off my anxiety. No real side effects. I went up to 37.5 mg , but they made me tired of a morning .

BENT_8 · 07-11-2016, 06:04 PM

Doctor says to take half a tablet every second day, will give it a try and see if things improve.
Not really happy to be taking them to be honest, not if they leave me feeling emotionless altogether.

Organised a care plan for a visit with another psychologist, 6 to 8 week wait apparently...sort of defeats the purpose really.

All of this because my 16yo Daughter couldnt accept no for an answer.
I'd been contacted by her school regarding her sudden increase in absence, i told them i would rectify the problem.
Told my Wife about the call, agreed to limit her absence from then on.
Next day my Daughter changes her hair appointment from after school to during school hours and then my Wife lies to me to cover it up and take her.
I discovered it before they got back and it was on.
Yes i know its trivial but its the principal of it as she has allowed my Daughter to see that lying is ok if you get what you want.

Since that day its been a downward spiral, cant even stand to be around my Daughter as she just continually baits me for an argument.

Last fortnight i went away for the weekend to clear my head, only back an hour when she approaches me with 'i know you'll be angry, but i've got an 18yr old boyfriend who drives and i want to go driving with him'
Those who have followed my posts in this thread will know of her near death experience in a car last year and how my sister was killed by a careless driver.
Sent the daughter to live with grandparents for a while.

Thats what triggered this last episode and has resulted in me turning to anti depressants and now im paying the price again.

Not sure how much longer i can tolerate this.

I'd leave if i thought it would help, but my other 3 children will pay the price then.

So confused, so angry.

BLUEYBA · 08-11-2016, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Doctor says to take half a tablet every second day, will give it a try and see if things improve.
Not really happy to be taking them to be honest, not if they leave me feeling emotionless altogether.

Organised a care plan for a visit with another psychologist, 6 to 8 week wait apparently...sort of defeats the purpose really.

All of this because my 16yo Daughter couldnt accept no for an answer.
I'd been contacted by her school regarding her sudden increase in absence, i told them i would rectify the problem.
Told my Wife about the call, agreed to limit her absence from then on.
Next day my Daughter changes her hair appointment from after school to during school hours and then my Wife lies to me to cover it up and take her.
I discovered it before they got back and it was on.
Yes i know its trivial but its the principal of it as she has allowed my Daughter to see that lying is ok if you get what you want.

Since that day its been a downward spiral, cant even stand to be around my Daughter as she just continually baits me for an argument.

Last fortnight i went away for the weekend to clear my head, only back an hour when she approaches me with 'i know you'll be angry, but i've got an 18yr old boyfriend who drives and i want to go driving with him'
Those who have followed my posts in this thread will know of her near death experience in a car last year and how my sister was killed by a careless driver.
Sent the daughter to live with grandparents for a while.

Thats what triggered this last episode and has resulted in me turning to anti depressants and now im paying the price again.

Not sure how much longer i can tolerate this.

I'd leave if i thought it would help, but my other 3 children will pay the price then.

So confused, so angry.

Hang in there. Give the medication sometime. We all react differently so it might take time to find the right one at the right dosage. The GP starts things off so you are able to see the psychologist. The psychologist will start to really get things going and set the ground work. they will look at what your taking and what you are going through and assess you needs clinically. So I would be writing down everything you've feeling/side effects since taking the medication that way they can make better decision.

xr8cam · 08-11-2016, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

Hang in there. Give the medication sometime. We all react differently so it might take time to find the right one at the right dosage. The GP starts things off so you are able to see the psychologist. The psychologist will start to really get things going and set the ground work. they will look at what your taking and what you are going through and assess you needs clinically. So I would be writing down everything you've feeling/side effects since taking the medication that way they can make better decision.

Great advice. Writing feelings down is a really positive thing to do. It will help you to cope with your feelings, just like writing them here. So sorry to read what your going through. Always tough if parents undermine one another. Stay strong & good luck.

BLUEYBA · 08-11-2016, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingoTE50

Been on Effexor 17.5mg for ages . Takes the edge off my anxiety. No real side effects. I went up to 37.5 mg , but they made me tired of a morning .

Hi

I'm on the same my self and haven't had any real problems. Has really helped me

xr8cam · 07-11-2016, 08:18 PM

GPs are the last people who should be writing prescriptions for depression. GP stands for general practice. I dont take my stuffed auto trans to a mechanic, I go to a trans specialist.
When my life was in pieces I went to a professional in that area. Medication has its place but establish what is the problem first and maybe a good talk to work out what is really the problem before you start taking meds. After all, professionals know next to nothing about the brain so pumping it full of meds is a pretty risky practice imo. Drugs work differently on everyone. THOSE ON MEDS TAKE NOTE: i was taking efexor 150 for a few years and everytime I drank alcohol I was very easily upset-turns out the grog was reacting badly with the meds which the doctor said would not happen. I am only talking about a few drinks too, not rolling drunk. So be very careful taking meds and do not stop taking them or only take them when you feel down-they do not work like that. So often, a change of scene or a neutral opinion is all thats needed. Ask yourself what you want people you care about to think of you and ask yourself what you want your kids to think of you and be that person.
Like someone here has in their description-''Be the person your dog thinks you are" It is not that hard to do, just treat people like you want to be treated. Everytime I think something negative about something I know it is all my own BS that is causing that negative view, so I try be a man, be responsible and admit that I am wrong knowing I will be a better person for it, everytime.

bingoTE50 · 08-11-2016, 12:23 PM

I would ask to meet the boyfriend and at least get to know the kid and his car . Let him know of the accident and your loss and raise your concern with him about being careful with your daughter in the car. You dont have to be heavy handed at all, just give him the rundown on the danger and the fear you have of a further accident. This will also let you check out the car . I met my wife when she just turned 17 in a club. Its not the end of the world that she is 16 going with a 18 yr old. Unfortunately this is common , particularly at schools. Yr10 girl likes YR 12 boys. Dont meet him at the door with a shotty though ! lol.

BENT_8 · 08-11-2016, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bingoTE50

I would ask to meet the boyfriend and at least get to know the kid and his car . Let him know of the accident and your loss and raise your concern with him about being careful with your daughter in the car. You dont have to be heavy handed at all, just give him the rundown on the danger and the fear you have of a further accident. This will also let you check out the car . I met my wife when she just turned 17 in a club. Its not the end of the world that she is 16 going with a 18 yr old. Unfortunately this is common , particularly at schools. Yr10 girl likes YR 12 boys. Dont meet him at the door with a shotty though ! lol.

Thanks mate, my Daughter has explained my feelings to him and he understands which is a good start, im not so much worried about what may happen as i know that at some stage she will have to make her own decisions, what got me going was the way in which she approached the situation.
She knew it is a sensitive issue and so when she opened the conversation with knowing i would get angry followed by the age bit and topped off with the car it immediately put me off.
Especially with whats been going on lately.

I took her out for breakfast last week and asked her to tell me more about him once i'd calmed down and from what she tells me he is a really decent young man, finishing yr12 and about to embark on an apprenticeship as a mechanic in the airforce.
I havent met him yet, he was supposed to come and watch her play sport last weekend but bailed at the last minute because he said he'd feel uncomfortable sitting with me whilst she played, and thats fair enough, but she took that as a negative and it created conflict between her and i when i took his side.

As for the car, well he drives an CE Lancer..but he's in the process of restoring what looks like a fairly tidy UC Torana and is right into cars even if he does support the dark side.

BLUEYBA · 08-11-2016, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Thanks mate, my Daughter has explained my feelings to him and he understands which is a good start, im not so much worried about what may happen as i know that at some stage she will have to make her own decisions, what got me going was the way in which she approached the situation.
She knew it is a sensitive issue and so when she opened the conversation with knowing i would get angry followed by the age bit and topped off with the car it immediately put me off.
Especially with whats been going on lately.

I took her out for breakfast last week and asked her to tell me more about him once i'd calmed down and from what she tells me he is a really decent young man, finishing yr12 and about to embark on an apprenticeship as a mechanic in the airforce.
I havent met him yet, he was supposed to come and watch her play sport last weekend but bailed at the last minute because he said he'd feel uncomfortable sitting with me whilst she played, and thats fair enough, but she took that as a negative and it created conflict between her and i when i took his side.

As for the car, well he drives an CE Lancer..but he's in the process of restoring what looks like a fairly tidy UC Torana and is right into cars even if he does support the dark side.

sounds like a good start. I guess you have to keep the communication open with her and even if something upsets you not to show it and calmly explain. that way she won't feel that you always get angry. it will take time to build up that trust as teenagers only tell you the minimum especially if they aren't comfortable

bingoTE50 · 08-11-2016, 01:05 PM

Credit wheres credits due sounds like she picked a decent fellar. You must be doing something right !

**buggerlugs** · 12-11-2016, 07:38 AM

http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au...osure/3110898/

Makes you wonder how much computers/mobile phones/social media has contributed to this.................

xr8cam · 12-11-2016, 10:01 PM

Good point buggerlugs, social media is responsible for much of todays anxietys & addictions. Gaming, gambling & porn just three of the nastier sides and then there's the spineless cowards who attack others from the safety the laptop provides. As a young bloke, I had a lot of trouble at school because my folks drinking & fighting was out of control. At least when I was being picked on I knew who my attackers were and I knew how to talk to my friend because actually talking with our mouth and eyes was the way we communicated back then. Big problems ahead for these generations dependent on tech media & it's only just begun. Last month a boy stabbed his father to death over a fight about screentime, now sons got life & mums on her own. Crazy world. Take a few steps back & think first.

Tui2 · 13-11-2016, 10:28 PM

I've been through years of med trials and never gave up on finding the correct combo that suited me.... however the hardest part was finding the correct way to exist without harming others or myself (not physically. ..
i mean causing undue stress in their world knowing my stress will) and realising that i can't have what others might. Then the meds did their job correctly

sneaky · 14-11-2016, 04:56 PM

i'll be giving the current level of Lovan (40mg) a work out this week.

just got home from a 10 day cruise with my wife, and with in a few hours of arriving home we broke the news to the kids (8 & 9) that we are separating and I was moving out of the house last night. this has been coming for a while, and we both kind of ignored it to make the most of the holiday that has been booked and paid for months ago.

my wife and I have been together for 20 years, married for 10 years, been together since we were 14 years old. it is going to be very difficult not being together. hopefully it works out ok in the long run, just going to be terrible in the short term. while it is no one's "fault" i am on the receiving end of the decision and would prefer it didn't have to happen at this stage.

while the arrangement is not permanent at this point in time, it doesn't feel like we will get back to the 'old days'. at the moment we are trying to leave the kids in the family home as much as possible to slightly lesson the impact on them.

back to the shrink later in the week...

**buggerlugs** · 10-12-2016, 09:28 PM

Gone quite in here. How is everyone doing ?

**solarite_guy** · 11-12-2016, 09:49 AM

To be honest, my position was declared redundant August 6th, then a new position opened up in another state. A promotion actually. Then yesterday I found out our division was sold to an international company...received official notification today I survived the acquisition. 40 others didn't...been a bit stressful

Spudz27 · 11-12-2016, 10:33 AM

I have been doing prac for my course. Have thoroughly enjoyed it. Being in a hospital feels comfortable. I went in with the attitude of being employable, by the end of day one they could see I was confident but also capable and from then I was treated more like staff than student. Just finished 4 days at an aged care home. Had my reservations but have enjoyed it. Being a therapy assistant there has a few roles, you do activities, physio stuff, but you also still have to help them if they are lost etc. I even enjoyed the dementia wing. I just treated every resident like a person and not a child. I was told by many staff to apply to work there and my supervisor is going to tell the Occupational Therapist to use me for relief cover etc. I put my resume on file. Need to get my **** together and address the selection criteria for a job up at the hospital.

elusiverunner · 11-12-2016, 11:15 AM

I have been on Seroquel and Pristiq for some years now. It sort of holds the mild symptoms of anxiety and depression at bay. Of course the weekly Group meetings helps some too, but the deep feelings of depression and anxiety are still there.

BENT_8 · 11-12-2016, 12:20 PM

Went back to see the doctor this week, increased the medication to 7.5mg a day and seems to be doing its job.
The boy my Daughter was dating called it off which she didn't take too well, I decided to take her away for a few days to try and heal our relationship and help her get over what's been going on.

Picked up a last minute cruise on P&O's Pacific Jewel, 4 nights for $124pp from Sydney to Melbourne via Hobart, a bargain.
Hired a car in Hobart and made the trip to Pt Arthur for the day, a humbling experience to be in such a beautiful place where so many people suffered, hard to comprehend really.
This was my first cruise and absolutely loved it, taking the Wife away in late February for our wedding anniversary.

gtfpv · 11-12-2016, 01:47 PM

guys i haven tread this thread and i aint going too , i did post in some of the earlier pages a few years back .
you can beat this stuff . i'm 47 , during the course of life many bad things happen , as well as good things . get up out of bed every day . and realise your still here . Sometimes just a smile in the mirror can get ya through , and get out there and smile , even if its at a tree or a fish , remember everyone faces the same challenges, we're all here together , find something to enjoy , even just a walk . never ever feel lonely in your own presence , and remember some days JUST SUCK !!! when you have a good day , you Will smile . Laugh at it all , theres a spot for everyone after death , theres no hurry . ENJOY !!!!!

Gypzy · 11-12-2016, 08:31 PM

In another post about dogs i said that i reckon everything was ok if you had a happy healthy dog. Well everything isn't ok but my dogs make things better, maybe because they are happier and healthier!
During the week i visited my GP on another matter, and we decided to increase my meds (prestique). We are monitoring "me", and whats going on around me. I have a fair bit on my plate and need to be myself around the sick people that take up allot of my energy and emotions.
So a couple of weeks ago, i went and bought a Kayak. Something that gtfpv said in his previous post, "find something to enjoy". I'm getting out there and enjoying the great outdoors. Can't get my dog on it because she would xxxx her self but thats ok, just me and the outdoors.

Tui2 · 23-12-2016, 06:09 AM

Sorry been of no support of late. Busy trying to sort out what is to become of my future when this contesting of will and selfish rivalry over the sale of the house finally sorts itself out.. I have been keeping and kept out of it as it's stress I do not need nor could cope with and will accept whatever that wasn't mine .. if any... nice to be compensated for the years of caring I gave my mother and stepfather but I never expected to be.at the least I will receive the reimbursement payment of the rates i've been paying and up keep of property during this mess.

Anyway I did, although i only NOTED, I did read all the posts since my last. And to those who stopped by .. do come again.

Ok my noteworthy Anxiety issue of late.

My son is nearing 21yo and about a month ago informed me via text message that he has legally changed his last name to his stepfather's. Which I suggested it be ok to do when his first half brother was enrolled in his school about 12 years ago (it hurt me to say so of course.. but for my son to feel connected to and secure was the importance of it)..and he decided with having it hyphenated was hip..as I was still 'somebody" in his eyes then. Anyway the closing clause of said text message was that, and I quote, "I more than likely won't be coming up that way to visit anymore as im focusing on my family here now." I replied with a positive ' it's your life son.. do what makes YOU happy.'

Then after a few up n down irrational emotional well-contained reactions and a long hard perspective thought arrangement. I'd realised from here on I am totally free of any obligation to provide in any manner whatsoever.. bar for my dog and myself. Therefore 25th Dec 2016 Anxiety level = low with a fighting cHanceville of zero.
xmas time triggers some almighties and my past holiday descriptive words were..
TERRIBLE. HORRIBLE. SHAMEFUL. REGRETFUL. REGRESSION. DEPRESSION.
So here's to HAPPY. STRESSFREE. INEBRIATED. C U NEXT YEAR INLAWS. RELAXING and words of hope.
To you all a prosperous new year IS posiible if we keep fighting hard and supporting those who fall

gtfpv · 26-12-2016, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trejo

Sorry been of no support of late. Busy trying to sort out what is to become of my future when this contesting of will and selfish rivalry over the sale of the house finally sorts itself out.. I have been keeping and kept out of it as it's stress I do not need nor could cope with and will accept whatever that wasn't mine .. if any... nice to be compensated for the years of caring I gave my mother and stepfather but I never expected to be.at the least I will receive the reimbursement payment of the rates i've been paying and up keep of property during this mess.

Anyway I did, although i only NOTED, I did read all the posts since my last. And to those who stopped by .. do come again.

Ok my noteworthy Anxiety issue of late.

My son is nearing 21yo and about a month ago informed me via text message that he has legally changed his last name to his stepfather's. Which I suggested it be ok to do when his first half brother was enrolled in his school about 12 years ago (it hurt me to say so of course.. but for my son to feel connected to and secure was the importance of it)..and he decided with having it hyphenated was hip..as I was still 'somebody" in his eyes then. Anyway the closing clause of said text message was that, and I quote, "I more than likely won't be coming up that way to visit anymore as im focusing on my family here now." I replied with a positive ' it's your life son.. do what makes YOU happy.'

Then after a few up n down irrational emotional well-contained reactions and a long hard perspective thought arrangement. I'd realised from here on I am totally free of any obligation to provide in any manner whatsoever.. bar for my dog and myself. Therefore 25th Dec 2016 Anxiety level = low with a fighting cHanceville of zero.
xmas time triggers some almighties and my past holiday descriptive words were..
TERRIBLE. HORRIBLE. SHAMEFUL. REGRETFUL. REGRESSION. DEPRESSION.
So here's to HAPPY. STRESSFREE. INEBRIATED. C U NEXT YEAR INLAWS. RELAXING and words of hope.
To you all a prosperous new year IS posiible if we keep fighting hard and supporting those who fall

what your saying is right . but i kind of think thats a bit like an unswaying love . . On the other hand mate . did you bring a child into this world to wipe his bottom on you ? . also learn that BAD BEHAVIOUR IS BAD BEHAVIOUR . And there is no right in that my friend .