What do I do? - Page 2

dannyxm · 18-04-2007, 10:46 PM

Ive been in the same situation and i feared the worst, my fear was then found to be true.

I sat round feeling quite low about it all, but now im with a great woman who im trully blessed to even know, let alone call her my own.

You can suss it out if need be, or have a chat to her. Id do both actually.

Trust is everything, without it you wont have a relationship and you will never have your heart put at ease.

I do find it interesting that she is 'honest' as to who she is with and where, read into that as you will i guess.

I hope it all works out for the best for you mate

OXR60W · 18-04-2007, 10:49 PM

I wish my wife would go hang in a dark place with some bloke

:

ROOSTA · 18-04-2007, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Pulling the pin is hard...Situation is she lives with me and my parents, works in cairns...and her parents live about 60km away in port douglas...so if I leave her...she is pretty much screwed...n I'm not about to ruin her chances in her career n stuff...

I dunno...Seems like I'm in a pickle

Are you sure she hasn't just been using you for a house, etc cos it was convenient for her career etc.. And remember its not you ruining her chances in her career and stuff.. she is the one who 'might ' be doing wrong..

I know i would be out snooping.. or have my mates out patrolling with the camera..

Really doesn't sound good mate.. But if it is the worst case take solice in the fact that most of us have had it happen to us.. And no matter wat once the doubt is there it doesn't leave.. i tried that and 9 months after the incident (2 year relationship) i just couldn't take it anymore.. It is hard to move on but it is sometimes even harder to stay..

Good luck with it..

Cheers,
Nik

TUF.EB · 18-04-2007, 11:01 PM

Dont ask her man, she will just lie. Girls have a habbit of talking crap no matter how honest they may seem, when they do something wrong they will hesitate to admit it, when you bust them they will cry there arrss off till you say sorry or otherwise.

Ask her once, you dont get a sufficient answer just go after her, find out what she is doing. Your already begining to trust her less, so Im guessing right now you dont have many other options. You have a right to know who she is with and where she is, espeically when you guys are living together.

Downside is if you do bust her and she is doing the wrong thing.. Besides the fact you will be hurt.. She will probably blame you for not trusting her, and following her..

But yeah, you really cant win here. Do what you think is best, most times if you feel there is something wrong, there is!

TUF.EB · 18-04-2007, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OXR60W

I wish my wife would go hang in a dark place with some bloke

:

I live near a Park.. PM me her details

:

chich · 18-04-2007, 11:19 PM

If Josh was just a friend then why hasn't she introduced you to him? She told you she went clubbing but your mate confirmed that she went to a dark lookout with a guy. Join the dots dude... shes playing you for a fool.

Unfortunately it seems that you have to prepare yourself for the worst. Arm yourself with dates, facts & arguments, sit her down & tell her she either comes clean or she's out. If she has nothing to hide & respects you she will make sure that there is absolutely no doubt in your mind that nothing is going on. If there's nothing to hide she'll tell you absolutely everything... where they went, who they saw, what they talked about etc.

At the end of the day given the fact she's living under 'your' roof she needs to show you, and more importantly your parents some respect by fessing up where she is & who she's with. If it turns out she's cheating (and for your sake i hope she's not) then boot her out then and there without thinking about how she is going to get by. Once a dog, always a dog..

**aussiblue** · 18-04-2007, 11:19 PM

Don't assume the worse ... but just in case half expect it.

It could be someone from her past (brother, father son, ex husband or whatever) that she doesn't want to tell you about and has a genuine good reason to think she shouldn't tell you about and needs to meet in secret for some other reason. Be honest and tell her what you already know; after all that what you are expecting her to do. Be sneaky about trying to catch her out will just risk creating a bigger issue.

OXR60W · 18-04-2007, 11:32 PM

Tuf.EB if i knew she would go, i'd drive her there.

TUF.EB · 18-04-2007, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OXR60W

Tuf.EB if i knew she would go, i'd drive her there.

:thebirds: Hahaha ah man. Your about the most relaxed old dude Ive seen on the forums man lol

T_Terror · 18-04-2007, 11:53 PM

Ditch the ***** now.

When you live with someone AND youre in a relationship with them then you inevitably know EVERYTHING about them.
If you never heard about this guy, if shes being secretive then give her a chance and say , "Hey, what the f*cks going on"?

And then when she stutters and crys, put her out on the street.

"Harsh!!!" <-- some would say.

Well so is screwing you around while using you as some goddamn accomodation!

No such thing as coincidences my friend...

[Tonko] · 18-04-2007, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TUF.EB

:thebirds: Hahaha ah man. Your about the most relaxed old dude Ive seen on the forums man lol

TUF.EB · 18-04-2007, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T_Terror

Ditch the ***** now.

When you live with someone AND youre in a relationship with them then you inevitably know EVERYTHING about them.
If you never heard about this guy, if shes being secretive then give her a chance and say , "Hey, what the f*cks going on"?

And then when she stutters and crys, put her out on the street.

"Harsh!!!" <-- some would say.

Well so is screwing you around while using you as some goddamn accomodation!

No such thing as coincidences my friend...

Man that pretty much sums it up, thats so true and so straight to the point.

But it gets a bit more complicated than that due to feelings and emotions, but thats what has to be done..

[Tonko] · 19-04-2007, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TUF.EB

Man that pretty much sums it up, thats so true and so straight to the point.

But it gets a bit more complicated than that due to feelings and emotions, but thats what has to be done..

Men dont have feelings... We are tough....

Outbackjack · 19-04-2007, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TUF.EB

Man that pretty much sums it up, thats so true and so straight to the point.

But it gets a bit more complicated than that due to feelings and emotions, but thats what has to be done..

One of the most important lessons a guy needs to learn is how to put these feelings and emotions aside and just deal with the facts. As soon as she learns to pull on these feelings she will be on top.

Deal with her and move on.

chich · 19-04-2007, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

One of the most important lessons a guy needs to learn is how to put these feelings and emotions aside and just deal with the facts. As soon as she learns to pull on these feelings she will be on top.

Deal with her and move on.

100% correct. The shuttering and tears only serve as a sign to push even harder, not to back off and appologise.

ED Classic · 19-04-2007, 02:16 AM

Shes doing him solid dude, sorry but it has to be said.. Call it off and tell her you've met someone else, as its going to end anyway so you might aswell give her the confidence dent she deserves and shes given you one without much remorse.

If you have financials together Start hiding them etc and preparing for the breakup as its likely to turn hard whether she calls it off or you so thank goodness you have the warning...DONT WASTE IT.

**aussiblue** · 19-04-2007, 02:23 AM

Oh and remember we're mostly just sympathetic Ford enthusiasts here not relationship experts (or have we some professional counsellors on the forum?)and given:

a) the trouble some of have sorting out our cars which generally operate and respond in a more logical and predictable manner than people; and
b) many of us seem to prefer the company of cars to women (or at least sometimes appear more comfortable in resolving their issues);
.... are we the right people to ask for advice?

We are at least the perhaps right people to provide sympathy and empathy as it is always helpful to talk to other uninvolved people. However it might be wise to just take all our well meaning advice with a pinch of salt. In any event, if you are like most people, you already know in your own heart and mind what you should do and perhaps were just hoping we would either confirm that or come up with a less stressful solution.

Hope it works out and life starts looking up for you anyway.

DOC · 19-04-2007, 05:03 AM

Well, as said this has happened before and i will throw another spin on things bu not directed personal.

But what is it with todays youth, what happened to being a man, in old school days people don't play with your girl, in the post where there was text re them parking, i would have been in the car slidinding the darn thing in sideways next to them and hanh=ging it on them straight, your my girl, now if you want this dood here's your bags and good luck to you or get your shiny but out of that car and be where you belong no questions involved.

half the problem is your to bloody soft and i dont mean being mean to partner or abuse but sitting there all darn whimpy is half your problem, girls dont hang with whimps they hang with people who have direction and can make decissions.

mate you can pussy foot around but you may as well pack your bags and leave the toughen up for the experience.

As above not being nasty but real men dont put up with that crap.

DOC · 19-04-2007, 05:03 AM

Well, as said this has happened before and i will throw another spin on things bu not directed personal.

But what is it with todays youth, what happened to being a man, in old school days people don't play with your girl, in the post where there was text re them parking, i would have been in the car slidinding the darn thing in sideways next to them and hanh=ging it on them straight, your my girl, now if you want this dood here's your bags and good luck to you or get your shiny but out of that car and be where you belong no questions involved.

half the problem is your to bloody soft and i dont mean being mean to partner or abuse but sitting there all darn whimpy is half your problem, girls dont hang with whimps they hang with people who have direction and can make decissions.

mate you can pussy foot around but you may as well pack your bags and leave the toughen up for the experience.

As above not being nasty but real men dont put up with that crap.

Kommandant · 19-04-2007, 06:17 AM

Confront her, if its obvious she is lieing get rid of her.

knighto42 · 19-04-2007, 08:27 AM

Don't bother with all the spying and following her around crap. As has been said before ask her straight out and you'll know. Besides, if you spy on her it shows you dont trust her, then if she's not doing anything wrong you'll probably have stuffed things up by not trusting her. Explain that you weren't jealous until she started acting weird - but that she's given you no other alternative other than to ask her.

If she has a reasonable explaination, and you believe her, then you'll have shown that you're straight enough to ask her outright, and that you won't put up with crap if it happens.
If she gives you some explaination that you don't believe - tell her so and give her an hour to pack her stuff and leave.
If she comes clean and admits it - same as above - give her an hour to get out.

I agree with everyone that if she's cheating on you she's not worth your time, but at least give her the chance to explain herself - there may be some innocent reason for all of this.

gozza · 19-04-2007, 08:39 AM

If it was me i would have already cracked....Going out till early morning alone with any bloke i did no know personally would have flipped my lid....Not the best advice from this end but when he drops her home next time...follow him and break his legs

King Nothing · 19-04-2007, 08:52 AM

Just to throw something in completely from left field, and I mean no disrespect to anyone, but could it be drugs? I know a friend who had something similar happen, he would dissapear for hours at night, be in the most random spots. She thought he might have been cheating, turns out he was getting into drugs. The fact that she may be honest about where she is/who she is with, but not what she is doing is making me think something funny is going on.

dan.76 · 19-04-2007, 08:54 AM

try and suss out some of her girl friends, and get your mates to keep a look out to get some facts,
to me it sort of seems as if she wants you to break up with her so she doesnt have to be the bad guy.
you said you live at home with your parents, have you asked them what they think, im sure they would notice anything different nearly as much as you would.
getting proof if she is rooting around is a must.

pb02 · 19-04-2007, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EL_661

Pulling the pin is hard...Situation is she lives with me and my parents, works in cairns...and her parents live about 60km away in port douglas...so if I leave her...she is pretty much screwed...n I'm not about to ruin her chances in her career n stuff...

I dunno...Seems like I'm in a pickle

How is she screwed? It's just extra travel time.... Your not the one ruining her chances, she is! (if she is messing around)

If she doesn't respect you enough to honest and up front about things why should you live in misery just because it's more convenient for her to be living with you for her career!

GROW SOME NADS MAN!!!!!

:

henry_ford · 19-04-2007, 10:31 AM

Had it happen to me. best advice i can give is to think of your feelings. if you love her make sure she knows. dont cause fights and arguments. if you are not in love no problem. dont make any big decisions untill you know what you want. Her actions are definatly telling you something is up. affair or not.

GXL078 · 19-04-2007, 10:40 AM

Put all her stuff out on the street and change the locks. Who lets their son's girlfriend move in with them anyway? Surely rent can't be that dear up there. She's a SPONGE mate, and turning into a slimy one.

Bucket · 19-04-2007, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

Didn't we go through this about 6 months ago BUCKET are you there?? This guy needs some of your newly found knowledge.

Hope Im not to late...

kwonie · 19-04-2007, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stera

Mate,

I dont know you, or the total situation, but I know that you asked for people's advice and now you dont want to use it?

I dont mean to sound like a 'a55hole' or anything, but if this is how you treat her and do everything for her and wipe her bottom...

Im not suggesting anything, for all you know it is innocent, but cmon... Reverse the roles... Why would you start acting funny? Hiding your phone. How would she react if you went out with your old female friend from High School and were out all night? I WOULD BE PEAKING!!

But honesty rules... Sit her down and ask straight out... If she states that all is fine, I would turn arrogant and take her phone then and there... After all, if its innocent, she has nothing to worry about... Right?

Why dont you take her out for dinner or a movie (her choice), go home and play your (couples) favourite song and dance to it...

If she is beginning to stray (for whatever reason), last chance is to spark to flame that made you a couple in the first place...

Maybe I just rambled... Just trying to help !!

Goodluck!

What stera said.

Bucket · 19-04-2007, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucket

Hope Im not to late...

Whoops...my post timed out :P

OK,

My advice...

Don't stake her out...If she is doing this behind your back you'll scar yourself permanently if you see what she's up to.
If not, well you dont want her to see you spying on her because that will destroy the trust you have in your relationship (admittedly, it looks like its a little shot at the moment anyway)

Like others have said, sit her down- tell her your observations from the beginning. What you have SEEN how she has reacted and what you dont want to believe but want to ask...you need a water tight case. If it is the case..if she has been cheating, ask her if she wants to continue down this path with "Josh" *cough* ****er *cough*...if she says no, put the ball in her court...ask here what she suggests she should do if she wants to recover the relationship...your on your own at this point. I can't tell you what to do...your history with her and your heart will dictate that.

If she does want to continue with "Josh" *cough* ****er *cough*
Be the Gentleman, take the Couch and suggest she be packed and gone by this time the next night.. Don't stand for it.

Mate...I know exactly how you are feeling now...my ex was messaging her new guy when I was on the phone to her...thats right...she would ask me to stop talking and message the tool (whom i shall never respect as a man) then she would go and meet him with her friend at all times of the night...anyway...if you need to talk, PM Me...we have a fair bit in common judging by your Av Title...