Injuries that shouldn't be possible

[Kable72]

Smashing your hip into the kitchen bench or a door knob and feeling like you've just been shot.

[gtfpv]

when I was in rehabilitation gym work , after a work accident where I cracked two vertebrae , I was doing special weights . under a rehab specialist instruction , squats with weights , anyhow . busted my A'HOLE WITH A NICE SIZED HEMHOROID .
had to report it to work and extend rehab . never mind it went away .
having had to explain it to the rehab physio next time at the gym . the look on his face was priceless as I told him what happened . when I said it's ok I understand if you laugh . he broke the sound barrier with laughter .
I came up with the line , I'VE DONE BACK BREAKING WORK , AND BUSTED MY *** for this job . ( wasn't funny to me at the time )

[gtfpv]

a friend of mine was working under a truck , when somehow the windscreen was broken at that time , a shard of glass found its way under the truck and sliced his eyeball open . his eyeball deflated like a bag from witnesses , he was able to get it fixed and only has some vision loss . the thought is chilling .

[Cuyper]

As an early teen I thought I was being a hero riding a toddlers tricycle down a driveway showing off to some teeny blondes. The tricycle had worn out handlebar grips so the the ends of the bars were exposed.

I stacked it and the bars turned in on me, I ended up in hospital with a bruised and cut ***** (as if peeenis us a banned word you freakin prudes), right in the most sensitive spot... Lucky it healed up perfect without needing stitches but maximum embarrassment at the time. One of my many unexpected failures .

[RepSpec]

using a sharp gasket scraper to clean up a part...only to be cut by the part...

[MercurySilver]

pizza cutting wheel and the webbing between your thumb and index finger

[pottery beige]

my best one

a broken willy

[gtfpv]

Originally Posted by pottery beige

my best one

a broken willy

you win !!!!

[Syndrome]

Originally Posted by pottery beige

my best one

a broken willy

How did you manage that? Please do tell.

[supershifty]

When I was 6yo I spotted a paw-paw that I couldn't reach, found some concrete reo mesh and leaned it against the tree for a ladder. Got to the top, lost my balance and fell. Damned near skewered the family jewels.

Ended up with a punctured bladder, no paw-paw and a very ****ed off old man.

Cheers!

[MercurySilver]

i remember playing lacrosse in year 8 or 9 phys ed at school
put the stick thing with the net on it down on the floor when running forward to get the ball and the end of the stick got stuck on the grass and lifted me up groin first off the ground a few inches as the end of the stick wedged in my groin....much to the laughter of fellow students
hurt just a tad for a few hrs

[Ringo]

Used a long strip of off cut of carpet as a tarzan swing off a tree in the garden.

I was 8 years old but learnt three things:

1 - carpet strips are not the same as rope.
2 - you don't bounce off rock gardens
3 - head wounds bleed a lot

[Ringo]

Also can't believe no-one has mentioned the ratchet or socket breaking and smacking yourself in the face, or slicing your knuckles open.

I know a guy who cracked his cheek bone when the allen key socket he was using snapped in half...cheap tools will do that.

[Loonar]

^^^^^^hehe, also, don't use ground down files as wood lathe tools..

[Madaya]

Has anyone been chowing on good food or even chewing gum, and nipped the underside of your tongue. Try as you might to replicate the bite and you can't get your tongue into the same position for the bite

[Syndrome]

A person lost an eye cutting a piece of rope. He was cutting from the underside pulling in an up direction. When he cut through the rope (which required some force) the momentum of the knife meant he smacked himself in the face and the knife went straight into his eye. Always cut in a direction away from your body!

[gtfpv]

when i was a machinist i was milling nylon , nylon does not chip like steel does , instead one long shaving comes off the cutter , it's tricky cause if your feed speed is wrong it tangles around the cutter , with nylon you greatly increase cutter speed , and feed in speed and the shaving /offcut will throw away a couple of metres cleanly and land on the floor enabling a continual clean cut . if your game you can use a broom handle to tp keep the shaving well away from cutter , if your lazy and stupid you can use your hands , which is what i did , when the nylon shaving grabbed and pulled my hand in at lightling speed , i milled through my index fingernail and finger at lightning speed , enough for my brain to know that it was going to hurt though 1st.

[gtfpv]

and howabout your thumb going through a cam lobe 5mm gap which is spinning it one revolution every 5 seconds , slow and steady and nothing to do but watch it go through, everybody go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , start low and end high with increasing volume .

[79FordEsky]

What about the angle grinder bouncing off and almost hitting you in different body parts I had the grinder with a wire wheel on it almost hit my face also what about when you shear a bolt then smack your fist from the momentum.

[Franco Cozzo]

^ Did you do the bolt in the vice, cutting it with a hacksaw, then punch the vice cutting the last tiny bit, trick?

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by pottery beige

my best one

a broken willy

Uh uhh... The old Taqaandan trick eh PB?

[pottery beige]

Hahaha, ^^^ Google that brought back some lols

Rocking into emergency dept at 4am

I have a broken willy

How do you know its broken?

Mate its ******* broken ok...

[ford71V8]

Man I wish I didn't google that

[79FordEsky]

Yeh me too wish I never did that.....

[pottery beige]

I was there man....

All good, bigger, badder, and no more fan belt slip now...

[TheSneakiness]

I know I shouldn't but I might need to Google that later on.

[Danny]

Originally Posted by pottery beige

Hahaha, ^^^ Google that brought back some lols

Rocking into emergency dept at 4am

I have a broken willy

How do you know its broken?

Mate its ******* broken ok...

You've killed it.

I thought a torn Banjo String was bad enough to warrant a mention, but you went the whole hog.

Kudos

[The Yeti]

I don't know if this is classed as an injury, but a few years back, my wife and I were away on a dirty weekend away, we'd been at the beach and as we walked back to the house through the bush we got a little um, you get the idea, any how a few hours late I had a pain in the scrotum and on closer inspection, I noticed a tick had jumped on the ride and was busily munching in to my money bag, we tried to remove it and it seems only some of it came away, a few hours later the pain getting worse so we went to the Emergency department of the little coastal town,

They took care of it but it as an extramly embarrassing situation

[XW-BAXR6T]

Steel legs on the beds of 1970's & prior, those things look harmless but if one isnt careful, they are exposed metal with no protection, you could hit your pinky toe on them & they hurt like hell. Mum would find me on the floor crying 3 times a week as a toddler

[XW-BAXR6T]

Originally Posted by Kable72

Smashing your hip into the kitchen bench or a door knob and feeling like you've just been shot.

Agreed, my old house which i sold last year had sharp cornered bench tops "not rounded off" going out to rear yard & it was narrow, the amount of time ive hit those corners & the amount of bruises.........Old design & dangerous. Never got around to renovating it & make changes.