Best Beer Toast

**killerjoolz** · 26-09-2007, 08:14 PM

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life! between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come

**fordomatic** · 26-09-2007, 08:19 PM

awsome that's a classic

Van D · 26-09-2007, 08:21 PM

Ahhhaha!

GRNKPR · 26-09-2007, 08:21 PM

wrong in so many ways but a ****ssser

gthofan · 26-09-2007, 08:23 PM

HAHAHHA love it! well done

excellent joke A++++++
will read again A+++

**killerjoolz** · 26-09-2007, 08:55 PM

yeah thought it was goodin' myself....lol

**killerjoolz** · 26-09-2007, 09:24 PM

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the
lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a
battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent b(*&^%$ ," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids

ST · 26-09-2007, 10:22 PM

I love the old pub footy joke:
One rainy day a few blokes walked into their local pub, both sat at the bar looking pretty down.

"Whats the matter fellas?" The tender asked.
"It's pouring down outside and we were in the mood to play some footy today..." one of the blokes said.
"Well you still can!" exclaimed the publican.
"What? How?" they both wondered.
"Pub rules that's all. I'll give you a run through; you both choose a team."
"CARLTON!" The first yelled.
"RICHMOND!" declared the other.

"Alright... So here is how it goes. You have to skull a pot of beer, drop your dacks and fart. If one cheek moves it's a point, 2 it's a goal. We play in 3 drink quarters, so the game ends on your 12th."

"Right! Sounds good, now pour me a beer" the carlton 'player' got to his feet.
The barman placed a pot in front of him. He skulled the beer, dropped his dacks and let a loud one rip.

"Right... That's 2 cheeks, a goal!" stated the barkeep, already pouring the next one.

"I never miss a goal!" the richmond player declared. As he said this the pub door swung open, the local gay decided to pay them a visit.

"Righto, here goes!" The beer was down as fast as he picked it up. Down go the pants and he put everything into a massive...

"SMOTHERED!!!" yelled the gay guy as he thrusted into the richmond player.

Walkinshaw · 26-09-2007, 11:09 PM

not cool. Not cool at all

Van D · 26-09-2007, 11:40 PM

lol @ the footy one! :P

[Tonko] · 26-09-2007, 11:49 PM

Ahahaha! First 2 were GOLD!
3rd one, Meh...

Nostalgia · 27-09-2007, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by killerjoolz

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life! between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come

Thats awesome Mate. Well done 10/10. LMFAO

prydey · 27-09-2007, 01:15 AM

i bet you all had the irish accent going off in your head too. be honest now. :1syellow1

SHIFTN · 27-09-2007, 08:15 AM

Haha they are good